Re-Visiting You Me And She

A few weeks ago, MizRepresent, the beautiful blogger dealt with the issue of man sharing. In her post there were actually three options presented:

1. Move to another state.

2. Import your man, then successfully move him to Utah, Nevada, Arizona or some remote island where the ratio of men to women is more like 100-25.

3. Manshare - in other words, take what you can get, get what you want, enjoy while you can, and most importantly no complaints.

In my comments I stated that my reply might come in two parts, so I guess this post is the second part of my reply.

I try to be careful and non-judgmental when evaluating single people and their relationship issues. Actually I hate it when people are overly critical of others behavior since they seem to have forgotten that before they were perfect and famous, they were an anonymous mess. Plus I’ve been with the same woman for 19 years including 16 married, with no sidepieces in between. I’m blessed to have someone that has been able to cope so long with the mess I am, and in fact has played a vital role in making me a much better mess. So while I will never advise anyone to share a piece of another person, my statements regarding their plight and their choices will heed the scriptural warning;

If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. 
(Galatians 6:1 The Message)

But that isn’t he scripture that caused me to revisit this post. I naively thought this open discussion of man sharing was new. I mean I knew it happened, but I didn’t think it was such an openly discussed topic. Unfortunately statistics and many bloggers have indicated that the scarcity of free black men that are not interested in other free black men, has left the pickings rather slim for black women, meaning they have to share a man, look in another race, find their own Ellen DeGeneres, or tough it out. I was reading an old book called Isaiah where I found a similar phenomenon of man sharing.

Isaiah 3:25 The men of the city will die in battle.

And as a result
Isaiah 4:1  That will be the day when
seven women will gang up on one man, saying,
"We'll take care of ourselves, get our own food and clothes.
Just give us a child. Make us pregnant so we'll have something to live for!"  (The Message)

I was a little stunned to see today, in Isaiah. Men are being physically killed today, but more so spiritually annihilated by all the evil this society has to offer through drugs, easy sex and all the trappings of greed. Men are able to sit back and be picky saying, she’s too short, she’s too tall, she’s too thin, she’s too light etc when evaluating their choices of good women. Women are saying, he’s too locked up, he’s too gay, he’s too homeless, but, this one here has a job, a car and his own crib. I don’t have his home number, and I’ve yet to go over there, but he visits me twice a week on the regular. Unfortunately women sometimes feel as if their only choice is to settle for less until more comes along, but more never comes from the one they’ve settled for.

Anyway, to help fix this societal imbalance a little, I will continue to raise my three sons to be viable and true candidates for a good woman when they are of age.

Son number one is an honor roll student who is no longer interested in hugging his parents but has found an interest in chess and a couple of smart seventh grade GIRLS at his school. He aspires to be a veterinarian.

Son number two is a gifted musician that when eligible will probably be composing songs of his own. He is one of a handful of 6th graders that were invited to play in the advanced band. Along with music he foresees a career in law enforcement.

Son number three will require any eligible female to wait a little longer. He is secure by himself but there are a few in his pre K class that are smitten by his intelligence and like to hold his hand on the way to the cafeteria. He is a talented singer, bongo player, and scooter rider. He aspires to be a Doctor when he grows up and currently plans on marrying his sister, but don’t worry he’ll grow out of that stage.

Our society and black men in our society have their issues. Those issues need to be addressed head on, not discussed on C-span, especially if there is no follow-up. So I’m going to try to make thing better by training up my children (and any others I encounter) right. I’ll spank them now so the cops won’t have to club them later. I’ll raise them to be men that recognize good women, and are recognizable to them. I’ll raise them to refuse to share and to know that being shared by women means they have a lot in common with public toilets.

If I really have my way, I’ll be raising them in Georgia by the spring of 2012. I heard they could use some more good men.



CurvyGurl ♥ said…
Wow, this post is the dialogue we need to have. I nodded in agreement and said a few Amens while reading.

Miz's post has been on my mind too, so it's good to hear another perspective. This whole fad of accepting less in all aspects of life is disturbing, but man sharing has to be the most ridiculous and degrading. I pray we increase the number of fathers, like yourself, who are respectable and forthright in the raising of their kids to seek the best things in all aspects of life, including relationships.
Mizrepresent said…
Great post my brother! You are raising some incredible young men and in the right way. I am trying to do the same with mine. I know we may not be able to change the current thinking of grown men today, at least not in the way that we want, but our future men still have a chance to learn as did our fathers and the fathers before them. Each one teach one. Simple and yet holds so much power. Along with our young men, our young ladies need to learn a thing or two about what being a lady it won't get you any brownie points in this day an age, but it will save them alot of heart break, and eliminate the disrespect that is currently taking place in our society. Thanks for the shoutout and the link. Miz luvs u!
Don said…
Excellent read, SLC. I mean, tremendous! As inspiring as they come, especially seeing as how you place actions behind your words. I truly enjoy reading from beginning to end.

Definitely a societal imbalance and you address it the best possible way.

Sometimes I really wonder if women truly understand the amount of backwardness in such a statement @ I don’t have his home number, and I’ve yet to go over there, but he visits me twice a week on the regular.

I'm not tripping though. Any and everything can become improved, eventually. Even the spiritually annihilated.
Rich Fitzgerald said…
Great post and I laughed out loud at the comment about not having his number and get visits.

I'm familiar with that scripture in Isaiah, but I had never heard it from the Message Bible. I might have to pick one of those up real soon. Anyway, it is interesting how there is NOTHING new under the sun. The same problems we face, have been faced by those who came before us. Trials come to make us strong.

Your boys are the same age as my youngest three. I also laughed at your baby boy wanting to marry his sister. That sounds like my son wanting to marry one of his cousins that live in Denver. He used to be in awe when she came to town. We would have to tell him over and over that you can't marry your cousin.
Moanerplicity said…
Great post, my Brotha!

I sincerely believe that it takes good, well-balanced, God-fearing, parents to raise good children, no matter their gender. Give them a strong foundation, a code of honor and self-respect and wonderful things are possible.

Of course the future is a crapshoot. They will always be the people they are destined to be with their own personalities, their own mindsets, and their own quirks, and identities.

But I think you're housing a set of potential Kings in your castle, and they will be most coveted and very much appreciated as they become Strong Black Men.

yppaH yadnoM!

Love ya.
Can't wait til November......

Give the family a hug for me and praying for a great school year!
Toia said…
This post was definitely on the money. There are so many women searching for a man instead of letting the man find them. And if only they would focus on their relationship with God first (or try to develop one)then God in turn with probably send them a mate. (Matthew 6:33) You can't see for looking.

Besides a half of a woman will attract a half of a man or settle for less. It is God who makes us whole and complete. Man or woman can't do that. But, I am glad you're raising up a few good men as I am doing the same with my two boys.

Blessings to you on this post. Every single person can benefit from reading this post. Great Word!!! Thanks for visiting my blog.
Fabian said…
Continue to be bless brother, God is certainly using you as a light in the darkness of this day and age. As a young man this gives me hope that there are other brothers out there like myself who are striving for God's greatness, and not our own. Amen.
SLC said…
Welcome Fabian.

When you get an opportunity please visit me here also.

See you on twitter.

I pray all is well with you and your engineering endeavors.

Anonymous said…
Thanks for adding my new blog to your blog list! Welcome back!!

Anna Renee
Joanna said…
LOL at your youngest planning on marrying his sister. I never had brothers, but I always wanted some so they could be my "boyfriends". That was around the same time I was telling people I was living at the San Diego zoo in a cardboard box next to the lion cage. I was a, shall we say, interesting, child. LOL